[ R_U_A TURTLE]
HISTORY (?) OF THE TURTLES
As it is remembered , in 1965 a NYC bar developed an idea in an attempt
to sell more drinks. It was a simple idea base on the fact that everyone owned a jackass,
and that everyone's jackass was sweet. As a member of their "club" whenever
anyone asked you the club question, you had to respond in accordance with club ritual -
regardless of where you were when asked. Otherwise, the "penalty" for not
responding correctly was the cost of a drink.
The club was called the (International Association of ) Turtles and the
question, "Are you a Turtle?" required the immediate and proper response, "You bet your sweet ass I am!" Some have said that the
Turtles were, in fact, very well organized and even had an Imperial Turtle.
And how did one become a member of this illustrious club? Simple. All one had
to do was answer correctly, (some of) these (four ?!?) questions with the required
"clean minded answers":
- What does a woman do sitting down, that a man does standing up, that a dog does
on three legs -- shake hands.
- What word begins with an F and ends with a UCK -- firetruck.
- What's hairy, hard and sticks out of a man's pajamas at night -- his head.
- What four letter would, ending in K, represents intercourse between a man and a
women -- talk.
- What is it that a cow has four of and a woman only two -- legs.
- What goes in hard but comes out soft and wet -- gum.
- What does a dog do that a man steps in -- pants.
- What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on
it, and that women love so much they often blow? -- a twenty dollar bill.
- Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a
word for a woman -- bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt.
- What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one
you can use your hands -- fork.
- What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat? -- Almond
Joy candy bar.
- What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages --
grit.
- What is it that all men have one of; that is longer on some men than others,
that the Pope doesn't use, and that a man gives to his wife after they're married -- his
last name.
- What is it on a man that gets very large when he is excited -- his pupils.
- What is long, round, wet and full of sea men - a subarmine
Did we really do those things in our youth?!! You bet your sweet...
Update (1998):
Since this was first written, We have received a number of comments. Some of them we
incorporated in the above, some of them follow. One thing is for sure - there are a number of different opinions as
to the Turtles' history...and it seems the "real" answers to when it was
formed and what were the original questions could well be lost
forever. Heck, one member even took me to task for divulging question answers.
Now one member has even suggested there is what I'll call "a long lost
ritual," that flys in the face of what we remember and sounds a bit like
"Thumper" or "Prince of Whales" to me . But those would be subjects
for another page or two...[and if we hear from others about them...then they'll be added,
too...YBYSA they will!]
Update Notes:
ChrisD reminded me that our answers always needed to be "clean-minded"
DZ gave me a seventh question, mentioned that he was inducted with only three of
the above questions and shared the following: I don't know whether it's true, but the
following 'urban fable' has been told. When Pierre Trudeau was Prime Minister of Canada,
he was once (probably back in the late 60s or early 70s) making a speech to students at a
University, when one of the audience yelled out "ARE YOU A TURTLE?." Our
flamboyant former PM, without missing a beat of his prepared speech, gave the proper
answer "YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I AM!"
[ R_U_A TURTLE
