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Random Murphy's
Laws\
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"A transistor protected by a fast blowing fuse
will protect the fuse by blowing first..."
We have all suffered through Murphy and his friends. With three children, I
have come to know Murphy as a permanent house guest. What follows is a compilation of some
of my favorite...
Original Murphy's Laws:
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- If anything can go wrong, it will.
- If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause
the most damage will be the first one to go wrong.
- If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
- If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go
wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
- Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
- Mother nature is a bitch.
- O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Laws:
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- Murphy was an optimist.
Gilb's Laws of Unreliability:
- Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
- Any system that depends upon human reliability is unreliable.
- Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors,
which by definition are limited.
- Investments in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of
errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.
Troutman's Postulate:
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- Profanity is the one language understood by all programmers.
- Not until a program has been in production for six months will the most harmful
error be discovered.
- Job control cards that positively cannot be arranged in improper order will be.
- Interchangeable tapes won't.
- If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious
idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.
- If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will
malfunction.
- Phelps' Law of Retributive Statistics:
- An unexpectedly easy-to- handle sequence of events will be immediately followed
by an equally long sequence of trouble.
-
- Shirley's Law:
- Most people deserve each other.
-
- New Jersey's Law:
- No matter where you go--there you are.
-
- Estes' Law (the late David Estes):
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- Never look for logic where there is none.
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- Fagin's Rule of Past Prediction:
- Hindsight is an exact science.
-
- Ken's Law of Memory Management :
- Ego expands to fill up all available memory.
-
- Walt's Tautology:
- In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ...
something is wrong.
-
- Forsyth's Second Corollary to Murphy's Laws:
- Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in
- .
- Casey's Alternate to Forsyth's Second Corollary to
Murphy's Laws:
- The light at the end of the tunnel is probably from an oncoming train.
-
- Weiler's Law:
- Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself
- .
- Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
- There's always one more bug.
-
- Grosch's Law:
- Computing power increases as the square of the cost.
-
- Osborn's Law:
- Variables won't; constants aren't.
-
- Stockmayer's Theorem:
- If it looks easy, it's tough. if it looks tough, it's damn near impossible.
-
- Brooke's Law:
- Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
-
- Finagle's Fourth Law:
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- Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it will only make it worse.
-
- Weinberg's Second Law:
- If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first
woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.
-
- Flap's Law:
- Any inanimate object, regardless of its position, configuration or purpose, may
be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are
either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious.
The
following is a listing of some more of
Murphy's Laws |
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| 1. No good deed goes unpunished. |
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| 2. Leakproof seals - will. |
|
| 3. Self starters - will not. |
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| 4. Interchangeable parts - won't. |
|
| 5. There is always one more bug. |
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| 6. Nature is a mother. |
|
| 7. Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has
the gold makes the rules. |
|
| 8. Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes
to the bone. |
|
| 9. The other line always moves faster. |
|
| 10. Friends come and go but enemies
accumulate. |
| 11. If it jams - force it,
if it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. |
|
| 12. If everything seems to
be going well, you obviously don't know what the heck is going on. |
|
| 13. In order to get a
loan, you must first prove that you don' t need it. |
|
| 14. Anything that can go
wrong, will go wrong. |
|
| 15. When a broken
appliance is demonstrated for the repairman it will work perfectly. |
|
| 16. Any tool dropped while
repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center. |
|
| 17. Everyone should
believe in something - I believe I'll have another drink. |
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| 18. You will always
remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away. |
|
| 19. It doesn't matter what
you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you say you're going to do. |
|
| 20. Eat one live frog
first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. |
21.
Nothing is as easy as it looks. |
|
22.
Everything takes longer than you think. |
|
23.
Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. |
|
24. If
there is a possibility of several things going wrong, |
the one
that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. |
|
25. If
anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway. |
|
26. If you
perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and
circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. |
|
27. Left
to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. |
|
28. After
things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself. |
|
29. Nature
always sides with the hidden flaw. |
|
30. It is
impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious. |
AND STILL MORE LAWS
1. If the enemy is in range, so are
you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
4. There is always a way.
5. The easy way is always mined.
6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
7. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
.....a. When you're ready for them.
.....b. When you're not ready for them.
9. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
10. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
12. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
13. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
14. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
15. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
16. Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
17. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
18. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in a combat zone.
19. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy,
and
20. Never forget that your weapon is made by the
lowest bidder.
They all ring with much truth. But number one and twenty always get me...
AND STILL MORE MORE LAWS, THEY
NEVER END
- The Law of Volunteering;
- If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
- The Law of Avoiding Oversell;
- When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
- The Law of Common Sense;
- Never accept a drink from a urologist.
- The Law of Reality;
- Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
- The Law of Self Sacrifice;
- When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
- The Law of Motivation;
- Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
- Boob's Law;
- You always find something in the last place you look.
- Weiler's Law;
- Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
- Law of Probable Dispersal;
- Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
- Law of Volunteer Labor;
- People are always available for work in the past tense.
- Conway's Law;
- In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person
must be fired.
- Iron Law of Distribution;
- Them that has, gets.
- There is always one more bug.
- Law of Drunkenness;
- You can't fall off the floor.
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- Heller's Law;
- The first myth of management is that it exists.
- Osborne's Law;
- Variables won't; constants aren't.
- Main's Law;
- For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
- Weinberg's Second Law;
- If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first
woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.
Sons of Murphy's
Law
| O'Reilly's
Law of the Kitchen |
Cleanliness is
next to impossible |
| Lieberman's
Law |
Everybody lies,
but it doesn't matter, because nobody listens. |
| Denniston's
Law |
Virtue is its
own punishment. |
| Gold's Law |
If the shoe
fits, it's ugly |
| Conway's Law |
In any
organization, there will always be one person who knows what's going on; This person
must be fired. |
| Green's Law
of Debate |
Anything is
possible if you don't know what you're talking about. |
| Stewart's law
of Retroaction |
It's easier to
get forgiveness than it is to get permission. |
| Harrison's
Postulate |
For every
action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. |
| Hanlon's
razor |
Never attribute
to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. |
| Muir's Law |
When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to
everything else in the universe. |
| First Rule of
History |
History doesn't
repeat itself - Historians merely repeat each other. |
| Finster's Law
|
A closed mouth
gathers no feet. |
| Oliver's Law
of Location |
No matter where
you go, there you are. |
| Lynch's Law |
When the going
gets tough, everyone leaves. |
| Glyme's
Formula for Success |
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it
made. |
| Mason's First
Law of Synergism |
The one day
you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut. |
| The Sausage
Principle |
People who love
sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made. |
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